Sex With Mom and Dad
by IWant2bDifferent
Summary: What if Alec wasn't as innocent as we're all led to believe? Chapter 9 is up!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Guys! This is my second Mortal Instruments fanfic. I'm hoping for more reviews this time, even though it's just another one-shot. This is just something that's been in my head for a while after watching too much tv. :) **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the yellow nail polish sitting on top of this computer desk.**

"I thought you lost your virginity to Magnus?!"

"Uhmm no. Actually, I gave my virginity to this guy named Matt when I was 16. At least I think his name was Matt."

"Matt?!"

"Well it could've been Greg!"

I came home from Magnus' apartment and my mother started hounding me again. Ever since we came home from Idris and I came out of the closet, she wants us all to talk more and all of that crap.

"And how did you meet this Matt/Greg?"

"He kept checking me out at this club I was at and one thing led to another. . ."

"Alexander! Club? You went to clubs!"

"Only that one time!"

"Does Magnus know all of this?"

"Of course he does mom."

"Why tell him and not your father and me?" She gave me one of _those _looks. You know that look that your mom gives you when she's angry and wants the total truth or your dead meat. I was getting agitated.

"Because he's my lover!"

"AND I WENT THROUGH NINETEEN HOURS OF LABOR JUST SO YOU COULD ENTER THIS WORLD!!"

Damn it. I hated when she throws that card on the table. I mean, what do you say to that?

"Maryse. . ."

My father walked into the room. Thank the Angel that I was saved.

"Robert! Your son went to clubs and met random men two years ago when he was sixteen!"

While my mom was going on her rant, dad gave me one of his own looks. That dad look that's like Way to Go Kid. He even gave me thumbs up. I laughed. But the rare father-son moment between us was broken when my mom said something that I had accidently divulged to her when I cracked after all her questioning earlier today.

"He even had an affair with a 27 year old that was already married! Married to a woman! How did we not notice any of this in your own household, Robert? Did we really think he went on that many walks!? By the angel!"

Mom had finally finished. The room was quiet and my dad just stared at me for a good ten seconds before asking. . .

"What's your favorite sexual position?"

There was real curiosity in his voice.

Moms' ranting started up again.

And they wonder why I never tell them anything.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok guys! This was just going to be a one-shot but **LorennaLee **convinced me to do a second chapter. Hey! There might even be a third chapter . . . and a fourth. ;)

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the neon green nail polish sitting on top of this computer desk. **

**

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Chapter Two:**

"You know what Alec? You do look like the kind of guy that likes to be on top."

I know Jace is my brother and parabati and all, but sometimes I just want to bash his head in and tell him to shut the hell up.

"Actually I was thinking the same thing."

"By the Angel, Mom, you were just yelling at me a second ago! Wait, why are we even talking about this?"

They were right though. I loved it when Magnus was writhing underneath me, digging his fingernails on my back . . .

Oh fuck, here I am fantasizing about my boyfriend with my parents are right in front of me.

"Fantasizing is natural thing for men."

Was it a coincidence that my father said that as I was thinking about it?

"Did I just say that I was fantasizing about Magnus out loud?

"Yeah, bro, you kind of did." Jace was trying to hold in his laughter. Stupid half-angel asshole.

"Can we just act as if I didn't?" I blushed. How could I not?

"No we can't, Alexander!" Mom burst out. "Because obviously everyone in the family has communication problems! Speaking of problems Jace, what is going on between you and Clary?! She is an innocent girl, unlike some others that I know you've been with."

"Hey when did this turn to me? Go back to harassing Alec!"

"I remember my first time. Her name was Cassie . . ."

Dad was so weird.

"Cassie! That whore you went out with when we were seventeen?"

Crap. This couldn't be good.

Jace and I took this as our opportunity to run.

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**There it is! Don't forget to review and tell me what you think!** :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! I'm so excited because tomorrow I'm going to be at Warped Tour in San Antonio! If anyone else is going to be there too, I would love to meet you! :) **

**Anyways! Here is Chapter Three. And by the way, I needed a funny last name for Cassie so I combined two from the movie Meet the Parents. :) **

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"No one sleeps with their significant other on the first date!"

Jace went to Clary's and I went to Magnus' place after we escaped our parents to do . . . _stuff_.

I came back hours later to find them looking disheveled, still arguing about that Cassie chick. As to why they looked disheveled (i.e. mom's hair looking crazy and dad's shirt inside out) I didn't want to even think about it because that's just gross. No kid would ever want to think about their parents like that, unless you're a psychopath or a nympho.

In that case, I guess Jace think about it all the time then.

"Cassie Windburn wasn't that much of a slut, Maryse!"

Yes, her last name was Windburn.

"You know she's married now Robert! It's Cassie RawFocker now!"

That poor woman is never going to hear the last of that one with a surname like that.

Hey wait! What did mom mean no one has sex on the first date? We weren't even on a date and Mag and I slept together later that night when Clary went to him that first time.

"You did?" Everyone was looking at me. Crap.

"Did I do that I Thought I Was Thinking It but I Actually Said It Out Loud thing again?"

"Yeah bro. Yeah you kinda did." That was Isabelle.

"Look whose talking! How many guys have you slept with? Sorry, I lost count at 103."

"Excuse me Alexander! Don't act as if you were that innocent before you met Mag!"

"Okay that's it! Maybe we need a therapist or counseling or sit on the couch without major deadly weapons and actually talk! You guys haven't done any of those drugs like the mundies, have you?!"

My sister and I both stayed quiet.

"By the Angel!"

"Wait, so Isabelle isn't a virgin either?"

Dad could be so slow sometimes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so would you guys read or click on a story here titled "Bane and the City" which would be Magnus centered and loosely like Sex and the City? Or should I come with a better name to sorta catch people's eye? **

**Everyone please give me your opinion! :) **

**And since people were asking me, Warped Tour rocked! Now I just can't wait for next year. ;) **

**Here is the fourth chapter. Hope you all enjoy it. :) **

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After a nice, long shower, after a long day, it was finally late enough to head to bed**. **I could finally sleep on my soft pillows and not stress out over my mother. . .

"Alexander, I have a confession to make."

Think of the devil and she shall appear.

"Arghhh, what do you want now? It's two in the morning!"

"I figured you were gay before that little kiss in the Halls of Accords. And don't speak to me like that young man."

"I'm sorry mom, I don't think I understood what you just said since I'm going insane and I must be hearing things. Can you repeat that for me?"

"Stop it Alec! You understand."

"Did Izzy tell you? I swear I'm going to hurt her with her own whip."

"No, don't blame your sister! I sort of _kept an eye_ on you"

"You were what?'

"Well, it was when all of us went to Idris a couple of weeks ago but you decided to stay here. I wondered what you would do all by yourself, so I had a warlock over in Idris conjure a mirror, of sorts, to see you here at home."

"You were spying on me!"

"No, not spying! I'm your mother; it's my job to make sure you're okay."

The woman was shameless.

"Uh-huh, so what did you see that convinced you?" Hah, I remember that day. I was with Magnus the entire time. She gave me a smirk accompanied by a sly smile.

"You know what happened! I saw that you were with Magnus, but you two looked a bit too friendly with each other since we all thought you had only met once. The shocker that sealed the deal was when you two came back here to an empty Institute with a pantry that had chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Do I need to go on?"

Damn, I started blushing.

"Yeah, your mom thought you were in a relationship that you weren't ready to talk to us about. And she was right! Except, you know, it ended being with a _man_ that was about thirty times older than you."

"Seriously Dad, you come in at the most random times!"

"Well, I mean, its okay! We got over it once we actually met him and you get past all the mountains of glitter. And magic. And color. And height. We didn't mind on the age much since he only looks twenty.

I swear on the angel, that if my family gets any crazier, I'll eventually end up in a _mental_ Institute.

**

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Oh hey! By the way guys, if any of you are also interested in twilight, go check out my story 'Coffeeshop Soundtrack'. Thanks. **

**--Bekah :) **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I know this chapter took way longer to post than usual, but it's been a crappy couple of weeks. Don't you just hate it when immature bitches, are immature bitches? Or is that just me? :) **

**Anyways, Im pretty sure that this is the last chapter, but if I ever get another idea for this in the future, i will definitely post it up. I got 2,000 more hits and 28 more reviews than I thought I would and now its time to move on to other (more serious) stories that will (hopefully) soon be arriving. Thank you. :)**

**Now Chapter Five! :D**

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"Thigh high socks?"

"Thigh high socks."

"Wow."

"Yup, preferably rainbow striped."

"And how did you discover this turn-on of weirdly colored high socks?"

"Magnus wore them once. . ."

"Never mind, spare me the details."

Jace and I were having some guy-talk in the safety of the kitchen. He had questions about gay sex and lube and I had questions about Clary in bed.

"Seriously, it's like when a chick wears fuck-me pumps."

"Angel Alec!"

"You're the one who told me to be honest."

"Well yeah you idiot but . . . heyyy I wonder if Clary would wear pumps like that. . ."

I snorted. "Yeah, only to trip and fall and land in a hospital. I'm sure that would be an interesting conversation with Luke and Jocelyn, like Hey! Everything is alright; Clary just broke a rub or two for my own selfish arousal, nothing to worry about!"

"Trip killer, anyways I'm sure Luke would go ape-shit on me before I got a whole word out."

"You mean wolf-shit."

He gave me a look. "Same thing, their both furry."

"Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick!"

"Dad! We're playing monopoly, not Clue!"

Mom finally got the family talk on the couch without deadly weapons thing. Way more talking than expected happened, this made mom happy. Then we decided to be normal for once and Izzy broke out the mundie board games we've had for years. But now she was yelling at dad for getting the games mixed up.

Mom got that family mom look on her face. "I love how close we all are now." She grinned.

"Damn it, Jace! I wanted to buy Broadway!"

"Too bad, but park Place now!"

"But I always get Broadway!"

Somewhere in this rather heated debate, a golden whip and blade got unleashed, mom started yelling that they were going to scratch the floors and dad was happy because he finally passed Go and got $200.

Don't you just love family?


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Well the other day i got a PM from a user here on fanfiction (duh) telling me that she had no idea why i wrote this story and that its stupid and that the MI characters would never do or talk about any of this, blah bah, etc. etc. So I said hey dude, this is _fanfiction_ we all can write about anything we want and honestly she fucking pissed me off. Then again what author wouldn't it piss off? **

**So I told her to go to hell and wrote another chapter! :) Aren't I peachy? :D**

**Hope you all enjoy and thank for all your reviews on previous chapter. They mean so much too me.**

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Chapter 6  
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"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do I mean?" Jace gave me an incredulous look, like 'you asshole how could you even question me?' Psh, I always have a reason to question him.

"Are you serious or is this just another one of your jokes?"

I don't believe this.

"Angel! No I'm not kidding! Would I kid about my sexual arousal?" he looked exasperated and dead serious. I let out a laugh.

"Sexual arousal, Jace? You said Izzy, you know our _sister_ is doing it too. I didn't know you still had a thing for incest after you and Clary turned out not to be related." He hit me at the base of my head and gave me a glare. I punched him back.

"It was a tough time! In the beginning we didn't _know _wemight have been siblings_! Cut me some slack_! But that's not the point, the point is that Isabelle and Clary are there going at it like pros that have been doing it all their lives! "

"It just sounds so un-Clary like. You think Izzy might be a bad influence on her?"

"I honeslty don't care when things this is happen. And don't you give me that look!" I gave him a look anyways. Since when did we become so hormone frenzied? I blame Magnus and Clary. Jace spoke up again.

"Hey, isn't Magnus coming over in a couple minutes? When he walks in and sees them, you know hes going to want to join the party . . ." He suggestively raised his eyebrows and threw me a smirk. He _did_ have a point. This wasn't a _bad_ idea. . . just different than most that they've had.

"Maybe we should let them, whats the harm?"

"That's the spirit brother! Now lets go check up on them and make sure their alright."

"Why wouldn't they be alright?"

"Well when I walked in Clary sorta fell when she was on top, its fun and all but I don't want them getting bruises and concussions all over the place."

We walked to the living room to find Clary putting music on and Magnus already joining them.

_Fuck me._ I think we need to get one of those for our bedroom at the loft. Magnus could give it to me as a Christmas present. . . and then we could use it all night.

Just as Jace and I were trying it out, mom and dad walked in. Apparently they decided to surprise us and come home early from Idris. Mom's head nearly blew up.

"What are you doing?! You can't just do this this every time your father and I go on an errand! Except you Magnus," she said sweetly, "since you have your own home and all." Magnus playfully gave me a 'in your face loser' kind of look. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Are you listening Alexander!?" I merely nodded. I don't think speaking would go over too well with her at the moment.

Mom was going on and on and _on_ about being too young and doing inappropriate things when dad said . . .

"Where did you get it?"

"Internet." Clary and Izzy chimed in at the same time.

"Robert!" Mom sounded shocked. jace burst out laughing and glared at him so fiercely I thought he'd combust into flames.

"What? I was curious!"

After two _hours_ of lectures and promises of many _many_ chores, we all went upstairs to our separate rooms. Once Magnus and I were in bed and under the covers, I said . . .

"I still can't believe Izzy and Clary bought that stripper pole."


	7. Chapter 7

**Whoa! You guys and all your reviews are amazing! You spoil me, don't be afraid to keep them coming. Haha just kidding :) And because of all your reviews for chapter 6, I got inspired to write Chapter 7! Aren't you all happy? ;)**

**Thanks to Iz, for loving humorous misery** **and beta-ing. **

**Enjoy. :)**

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Chapter 7**

"Open the door Alec!"

"No! That mental image is going to be burned into my brain for my entire life!" Jace can't fucking yell at me like that after what I just witnessed; do they have no decency!?

"Open the damn door or I'll tell Maryse that you have Magnus' name tattooed on your ass!" Damn it, he knew exactly what buttons to push. I opened the door before I remembered that I was in shock.

"It's not a tattoo! It's fairy magic, it'll fade in three years!" He tackled me in the doorway, somehow circling his arms around my waist and throwing me on the bed.

"Tell absolutely no one what you saw, n_o one_ Alec, not even Magnus and most importantly and blatantly obvious, Mom and Dad. That would just bring so much hell for every single person in this house, understand?"

Who the hell did he think is? That James Bond guy on TV threatening his enemy to bring the precious jewels back to whatever place he got them from? Asshole. I narrowed my eyes. I'll play nice.

"Okay. You don't tell on me about the tattoo and I won't tell on you."

"Alright then, deal."

"Goodnight," I said when I shoved him out the door. I heard him mumble, "If he was just going to say okay, he could've open the door sooner."

I went to sleep with dreams of pummeling Jace into dirt and the next day came faster than I hoped.

Clary, Jocelyn and Luke were in the kitchen with my parents when I came back from Magnus' place later in the day. Jace looked at me suspiciously.

"Alec, come get Izzy with me." Yeah, he was definitely suspicious. Probably wanted to ask me if I told Magnus this morning. Paranoid prick.

We walked up the stairs and made sure we were out of earshot.

"You didn't say anything right?"

"No I didn't." I smirked, "You want to impress Clary's parents don't you?"

"So what if I do?" he glared. "Anyways, I knew you could keep a secret Alec, I mean, having random sex with men in cars and clubs when you were 16 seemed easy to hide for you. This was cake, I'm sure." He patted me on the shoulder with a wide grin and I kneed him in the groin.

Then he punched me in the face. I smashed his head into the wall. He threw me down and by then everyone was around us asking what was going on. That's when the yelling started.

"I didn't fucking let the cat out of the bag and then he repays me with insults!"

"What?! Sorry I didn't hear you Alec. You didn't let Magnus out of the bag?!"

We ran into each other at almost the same time; he kicked into me repeatedly.

"Shut up you half-angel loser!"

"Boys!" Mom gasped.

"Alec has Magnus' name tattooed on his ass!" I needed to retaliate with what I knew.

"I walked in on Jace and Clary making a sex tape in the bathroom!" Take _that_ brother.

"What?!" Mom, Luke and Jocelyn said at the same time, all three screeching the word.

Crap.

"Way to go boys!"

Only my father.


	8. Chapter 8

"Jace, why can't you just go change you shirt? You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but honestly gay guys don't show off like that. Just go upstairs and change."

"For the last fucking time, it's nothing! Besides, I'm too lazy to change into another black shirt. And I'm not gay! That's your territory big brother."

We sat on the couch in the living room and stared at each other with the television on. Obama was doing six Sunday morning interviews today. I guess he wasn't a fan of weekdays.

Go figure.

"What do you mean you're too lazy? If a demon smashed into the room right now and said Clary's hair was too red, you'd jump up and beat him to death. And expect me to help you."

"So?"

He tilted his chin up.

Over-confident jerkface.

"It looks disgusting." It really did. I can't believe he walked around like that all day.

"You brain just thinks wrong. Everybody else who has seen me today probably just thinks I'm a perfectly normal teenager." His eyebrow arched up.

I shot him an 'oh really?' kind of look. I grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels. There was nothing good today.

"Clary agreed with me this morning."

"You sick liar!"

"Stop talking about yourself Jace!

If we weren't stuck on this stupid couch because of that little fight we had over the sex tape the other day and got a couple bruises and broken ribs, he would have punched me. I'm sure of it.

"Touché." His eyes narrowed.

"That's right bitch."

It was then that Izzy decided to make her presence known by bursting in the door with heels that were high enough to be weapons of mass destruction. She laughed, causing her to spit out the cranberry juice she was drinking.

"Haha! Alec was right! You _do_ look like an inexperienced gay guy that doesn't know how to swallow!"

"Shut up! It's just toothpaste! I missed the sink this morning when I was brushing my teeth." He mumbled the last sentence. "Leave me alone! I didn't know it was going to stay there all day!"

"Hush! Your mother is on her way home." Our fit of laughter was halted by my dad in the doorway. He was about to walk out when he turned back.

"Oh and by the way Jace there's some self-help books in the closet. I suggest you go and take a peek."

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**Its been so long everyone! Once school started it got harder for me to think and write and type. Arghh i wish it was summer again. But school is going good I guess. I'm supposed to b doing a biology project right now, my mom walked in and saw me typing and said, "Oh I didnt know you had to write an essay too." I just went with the flow.  
**

**Do you see the things that I do for you people!?**

**Lol. im just kidding. You guys rock!:) Your reviews always make my day. I apologize that this chapter took so long but i wanted you guys to have another chapter already. I do believe that chapters 6 and 7 were my best ones on this story so I hope this one didn't disappoint too much. Please review and tell me your thoughts whether their good or bad:)**

**Also I know i havent updated on Bane and the City. I'm working on it I promise! It's not on hiatus I just havent found the chance to do everything. I promise that the next chapter is coming soon for that too. I wanted to thank you for your support with that story as well.**

**And please forgive any mistakes you see on this chap. i didnt send it to my awesome beta Izzy so she could do her thing just so this could get out quicker. **

**Hope you all enjoyed. :)  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Drum roll please! Here is chapter nine for your enjoyment:) **

**Chapter eight was the last update almost two months ago. I honestly wasn't happy at all with that chapter and I was debating whether or not to delete chapter 8 but since it's already been up for months, what's the point now?**

**I hope this chapter is better and you all enjoy:)**

**Thank you for the reviews. They mean the world. **

**

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Chapter 9**

I could see Jace's blonde hair flash out of my room with the door quickly getting shut behind him before I got the chance to get out of bed and chase after him.

I fumbled to get up.

My dark blue bed sheets got ruffled out of the ultra neat place I had put them in when I woke up that morning. If we were in different circumstances I would've done nothing until they were in place again and my slight obsessive compulsive disorder was subdued but _this_ wasn't the time for that.

I finally yanked my bedroom door open to see Jace's backside running down the ridiculously long wall, my Walkman in one closed hand and a plastic square CD case in the other.

"Jace! Give it back!"

It took forever to find my ancient CD player in the back of my closet. I had stopped using the thing years ago when I started using Izzy's iPod when I couldn't sleep. That was basically the only use I had for the huge circular music player anyways.

"Make me!" was Jace's brilliant retort. Make me? Really? Jace of all people within a 50 mile radius could've come up with something better than that.

I admit it. I bought the CD. But...I was just curious! After Magnus practically worshiped him as if he was another deity, I had to see what the singer was about.

I _had_ to.

I didn't expect to actually like it. But I only like it a little bit. Only. I swear.

"Isabelle! Look at what our older brother is into!"

"No! Its...it...it's not _mine_!" I stammered in the beginning of my sentence, probably triggering to my siblings that I was lying. I really had to get better at deceiving them.

"It's Magnus'!"

It was then that I saw a slight moment of opportunity. Izzy always leaves her high heels lying around in the house causing someone unaware to trip and fall. Jace was running straight forward but with his head whipped back, facing me and Izzy's size 8 1/2 black Jimmy Choo pump one stride away.

It was then that I realized that I knew what designer the shoe came from. Either I'm spending too much time with Magnus and his huge assortment of clothes and accessories or there's been too many times of me hiding in Izzy's closet when she tries to attack me with eyeliner.

I was going with the latter.

By the time my thought process had finished Jace, even with all his Shadowhunter confidence and agility, had indeed tripped on the misplaced shoe.

That was my chance.

He was lying face down on his stomach, picking up his knees to try and get up, but it was then I fell on top of him. I could feel the breath whoosh out of him as I applied my weight to his back.

Something like losing breath won't stop Jace though. He tried kicking and squirming around, yelling obscenities and saying that he "could take me down" if he was really trying.

Please.

Somehow he flipped us over with him straddling over me. Fists and slaps were thrown. Hair was pulled. Bruises had to have been made.

I was the one on my stomach now, trying to crawl to the piece of tile where the CD player and case had been dropped.

It was time to destroy evidence.

Apparently it was also time for Isabelle to walk out of her room, stepping on the plastic case that was just in reach of my fingertips. It was very "I caught u red handed" movie-esque.

"What are you two doing now? Everyday something goes on between you two! You aren't cheating on Clary and Magnus are you? And don't lie! I saw that straddle you did on Alec, Jace!"

All I could do in my position was hit her ankle, which of course had no effect on her but to kick back. She kicked, I grabbed, and she was on the floor with us. It was a whole family thing now except my brother and sister were working against me.

Peachy.

"You have a thing for him don't you Alec? He even looks like Magnus too! I think u like the tall make-up type!" Now Jace taunts.

"No I don't!"

"It's okay Alec! Let out your innermost feelings!"

Sarcastic bastard. I blame the childhood abuse.

"I have it!" Isabelle had popped the CD from its player and was now getting off floor and running down the stairs in her blue socks, but not without making sure her dark hair was in place first.

She looked down at the black with silver lettering compact disc, probably making sure of the well-known singers name.

"I'm telling everyone that you like Adam Lambert!"

Busted.


End file.
